The worldwide banking crisis and the resulting global recession was only the first step, it has been revealed. Whilst most people were blaming the rampant greed of the rich and the stupidity of the bankers, it was all part of diabolical scheme to make ordinary people desperate enough to elect a patent clown as President.
The next step is to de-fund all the global institutions that have kept a fragile peace over the last half a century. By refusing to pay for NATO and the United Nations (on the grounds that as they are the richest nation in the world - a fact they constantly remind us of - they should have to pay less than everyone else) they will see the world order collapse and there will be nobody to criticise them for anything.
Putin's Russia will take over Europe and then be destroyed in a battle with China that wipes out both countries, leaving the American military, strengthened with all that cash that is no longer needed for, you know, civilisation, to spread throughout the whole of the Americas.
As the people with all the money, the Republican rich will then set themselves up a feudal lords, a la Game of Thrones.
"The last time people like us were thought to be bright was back when the Neanderthals ruled the place," a dribbling spokesman said, "so it just makes sense to wipe out all the progress since then so that we can call ourselves smart.
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