'Failed' missile test really testing first strike against Trump capability

Up up and away

Prime Minister Theresa May's insistence that the recent missile test of the coast of the United States of America was not a failure and that the 'sailors got it up beautifully' had led some analysts to believe that either the missile test had a darker purpose of Mrs May was talking about something else altogether.

Reports that the missile veered off course and headed directly towards the American coast are merely a cover story and this was not a failure of the internal guidance system, but a deliberate targeting of Washington DC to show that the UK could strike back against the new President should he turn out to be as terrible as everyone is expecting.

Arguments have been made that a tactical nuclear strike against President Trump would be a waste of time because he, and the cockroaches, would be the only things to survive.

Calls for the Trident program to be scrapped have come from many pressure groups, political parties and from President Putin, who stated that "Now we have a friend in charge in Washington, it's the only thing stopping us from invading."

President Trump responded , "That Putin's a funny guy."