Man wakes up from 5 year coma. Asks to be put back under.

Medical miracle, society fail

John Smith, resident of Maine, USA, woke up yesterday after being in a coma for five years, following a collision between his car and a petrol tanker, but was asking to be put back again within a few hours.

A spokesperson for the hospital in which Mr Smith had been cared for said, "Johnny had seemed quite happy to be awake and was looking forward to seeing his former fiancée, but on seeing a news broadcast he became quite agitated and demanded vociferously to be placed back into his coma."

Other patients report hearing shouting from the newly-awakened man's room.  One recalls Mr Smith yelling, "No, no, put me back under. I've seen this. I know where this ends. Put me back under!"

He was reportedly watching news coverage of the impending inauguration.

"You have to understand," the hospital spokesperson added, "that the world was a different place when Mr Smith suffered his accident. Barack Obama was in the White House, racism, sexism and any other -ism was a thing to be disapproved of rather than used as a campaign slogan, there was no talk of walls or immigration bans based on religion. Coming back to all of this would be quite a shock."

The hospital reports that Mr Smith has been sedated and is resting comfortably, but staff report that he can still be heard mumbling in his sleep, "Worse than Stillson. Worse than Stillson."