General election call not naked grab for power, May denies

Prime Minister and alleged Margaret Thatcher clone Theresa May has denied that her call for an early election (something that she had previously promised would not happen) is a naked grab for power.

"Public nudity is something for students on holiday in Ibiza," she stated, "not for emotionless cyborgs masquerading as human politicians. Therefore this is, if anything, a fully-clothed grab for power".

When asked why she was asking for this election when she had so recently sworn that she would not call a snap general election, she elaborated, "I wasn't sure that I could win then. I wasn't about to call an election without being absolutely certain that I could win. Do you have any idea how much backstabbing and betrayals have gone into my usurping the leadership of the party and the country? I wasn't about to urinate that up a wall until I had managed to brainwash the British public into thinking that I was a better choice than Jeremy Corbyn. Admittedly, I had thought that this would take longer."

Potential slogans for the Conservative campaign have already been leaked with 'Make Britain America's Bitch Again' and 'More Trump Than Trump' being early front runners.  Manifesto promises such as allowing Donald Trump to grab the Queen's p*ssy during his state visit, the building of a wall between Scotland and the rest of the UK (tricky when it comes to the bit between Scotland and Northern Ireland, admittedly), the shooting of all foreign residents who don't pledge personal allegiance to Mrs May and making the Channel Tunnel one way only (towards France) have been inked in already.

Renowned political analyst Roger Crotchett stated, "This was an inevitable move by Theresa Thatcher... sorry I mean May. I keep getting the two mixed up. Anyway, Maggie May could never get this job under normal circumstances, considering her abilities and policies, so underhanded tactics were to be expected. She refused to give an election when they might vote for anyone other than her. It's understandable from someone with her moral."

Other commentators were surprised that there was someone willing to ascribe moral values of any kind to the Prime Minister.

Calls for Mrs May to submit her DNA for comparison against former Conservative dictator Margaret Thatcher have been refused.

On social media, the battle lines have already been drawn with Conservative supporters talking about money and Labour supporters talking about people.

In a surprise move, the Council of Sith Lords has announced that it will be voting against Mrs May because she "scares the living cr*p out of us."