"The word 'May' suggests that there is a possibility of something happening, some action being taken," a spokesperson for the agency, Sarah Adcrap, explained. "With this Prime Minister, as in her time as Home Secretary, we have seen that the truth is that nothing will happen until everyone else has finished and she is pushed into the space that is left. This is clearly outside of the definition of the word and therefore we require that the Prime Minister stop using this surname immediately and choose a more appropriate moniker."
Suggested alternatives have been Theresa Can't, Theresa Won't and Theresa Colonoscopy (on account of shoving herself so far up Donald Trump's arse).
We approached the Prime Minister for comment, but so far have received no response.
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