Vehement denials from Russian spymasters that they had nothing at all to do with a Russian spy living in the UK have been met with scepticism due to the fact that they have been known to lie about stuff.
"That's just typical," one spokesperson (who insisted that they were most definitely not a spy, did not work for a spy agency and probably couldn't even spell the word 'spy'). "Just because everyone knows that we meddled in the US elections to get our friend Donny elected, and because all of our athletes use drugs that would make even Team Sky blush, and just because Russian dolls are full of secret other dolls, we are immediately suspected when a traitor to the state almost dies in mysterious circumstances. We didn't have anything to do with it. We weren't even in the country at the time. We were all at my grandmother's house eating borscht."
Everyone who knows anything about Russian spies agreed that, whilst the evidence is thin at the moment, this was exactly the kind of thing that Russian secret services would do and so it was probably them.
"We didn't do it," the Russian spokespeople pouted.
"That's good enough for me," Tweeted the President of the USA.
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