Even Theresa May's panicked U Turns are 'Strong and stable'

Conservative Party spin doctors were out in force yesterday to explain that the extraordinary U-turn on the so-called Dementia tax (possibly the shortest length of time ever taken to break a manifesto pledge considering that they haven't won the election yet) was another sign of Theresa May's 'strong and stable' leadership.

"Theresa May listened," one spokesperson said. "She mainly listened to the sound of her polling numbers crashing into single figures and immediately scrambled to limit the damage. Though it looks to the uninitiated like a panicked knee-jerk reaction from a party that was ill-prepared for the backlash against what is a pretty awful tax of dying people, if you try hard enough you can actually see that it is a sign of a leader who knew exactly what she was doing."

When pressed, he also stated that "Of course the crowds at Donald Trump's inaguration were larger than Obama's."

Another spokesperson disagreed, however, stating that, "Theresa May was not listening to the outcry from poor people who might lose everything they hoped to leave to their children except for a hundred thousand pounds, assuming that their house was worth that much. No, she was listening to the rich people who were afraid that they might lose everything they hoped to leave to their children except for a hundred thousand pounds, which one of their cars is worth. Of course, upper class inbreeding is one of the debilitating conditions excluded from the Dementia Tax. So is being Boris Johnson."

"There will now be a cap on the amount that can be taken from people's children after their parents' deaths," a third continued, "but we're not going to tell you how much because that would mean making a decision and then getting it costed, something that we're trying to avoid with all our manifesto pledges."

In related news, a Dalek spokesperson has pressed a case for all rogue Time Lords to be prevented from calling them the most evil race in the universe since the Conservative Manifesto makes it quite clear that humans are more evil than them.

"We might exterminate you as soon as look at you," it said, and proceeded to prove its point by exterminating all the journalists present at the press conference, "but to watch you go through a long, painful, debilitating death in the sure knowledge that before you are cold the government will be seizing everything left to pay for corporation tax cuts, now that is real evil."